In the light of the
shoe throwing incident with Mr. Chidambaram - our venerable home minister who just pronounced
Mr. Tytler even more venerable than him - both the govt. and journalism schools seem to have learnt some important lessons. And they are graciously ready to impart this wisdom to the deserving.
The Paduka school of Journalism today announced an additional course titled 'Effective Shoe Throwing' .
Mr. B Aata, the Dean of the school said
"Contrary to popular belief, neither pounding on the keyboard nor writing pages of rubbish contribute to developing your arm muscles. Hence, journalists' throwing skills are typically pretty poor. "
"However, it still doesn't excuse both famous shoe throwing incidents missing the targets entirely. In the
Iraqi case, the credit probably goes to the physical fitness of Mr. George 'cowboy' Bush. Nevertheless, we journalists have become a laughing stock of the world.
It is a proud day for Indians. Our course is the first of its kind in the world. We are already getting queries from students all over the world especially, the middle east. "
About the course, he said
"We will have course material on wind dynamics on shoe projectiles. Students will be able to compare and contrast the projectiles of Nikes vs Reeboks vs Cheap chinese makes. They also will be able to predict the projectiles of other desi jhoothas.
We not only prepare the students in throwing shoes, but we also prepare them to be mentally prepared and not get nervous before the act.
Focussing equally on practise as on theory, we will invite several eminent 'Guest lecturers' from the political establishment to *wink wink* 'lecture' to our students. "
Mr. Chidambaram's office has not yet returned our calls. They have instead sent us an '
I forgive you' letter "
He also added
"For a very nominal fee, we also offer to train the
mothers of students in writing the most effective thank you letters. "
Not to be outdone, the Defense Ministry has sent a circular. They have announced a new chapter to their 'How to not get killed by terrorists or honest citizens' training course they impart to politicians. The chapter - the military influence is obvious here- is titled "Avoiding non-lethal sub-sonic projectiles" .
Speaking to the press, Mr. J Chaat Urvedi, the director of R&AW said
"The course is free for all politicians - not just those part of government. To enroll, you just need to have the following prerequisites.
* Be a public figure that has stalled traffic in atleast 1 major city while bussing audiences to your rally.
* Have atleast 1 allegation of bribery, nepotism with money amounting to atleast Rs. 50 crore
* Have atleast 1 pending case in the court against you. You will receive priority if the case is criminal in nature. Murder or rape gets even higher priority. "
He also added
"This is a fine example of inter-departmental cooperation. The course uses bending and evading tactics that we teach bobcat commandoes. These highly trained personnel are used by our bureaucrats & politicians for household chores & sometimes security. Angry babus and their expensive Italian shoes have caused some personnel downtime in the past"
To the titter of the press present at the event, he added
"The course has been customized for politicians who have larger bellies and posteriors, but still need to be agile in these situations"
Ending the conference he lamented
"It is sad that such eminent and honorable politicians are on the receiving end of shoes, especially the cheap desi/chinese makes worn by these penniless journalists. I did not think I would live to see this day". He was speaking from his '
safe house' apartment in Noida.
- Reporting from Bangalore by Very Pagal Patrakar inspired by
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